May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
