I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
