Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
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I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
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You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just forgot I was standing up.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned