Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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