i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts