Texts From Last Night

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  (305): View more from Florida

  I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.

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  (305): I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner. http://tfl.nu/42gn
  Replies (28) Good night (1737) Bad night (3453)
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  (858): View more from California

  I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume

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  (858): I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume http://tfl.nu/37b5
  Replies (16) Good night (4690) Bad night (871)
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  (416): View more from Ontario

  you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night

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  (416): you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night http://tfl.nu/f5gl
  Replies (92) Good night (32746) Bad night (1808)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.

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  (724): Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part. http://tfl.nu/1dsi
  Replies (28) Good night (8044) Bad night (1281)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem

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  (214): Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem http://tfl.nu/y1i7
  Replies (6) Good night (3443) Bad night (792)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony

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  (804): Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony http://tfl.nu/wi0z
  Replies (13) Good night (2792) Bad night (1181)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.

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  (262): Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink. http://tfl.nu/n6v7
  Replies (14) Good night (3340) Bad night (716)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine

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  (507): we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine http://tfl.nu/vvgu
  Replies (7) Good night (2274) Bad night (623)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.

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  (908): How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks. http://tfl.nu/jloo
  Replies (11) Good night (826) Bad night (2469)
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  (361): View more from Texas

  I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.

  (1-361): View more from Texas

  Ew! He's just a child!

  (361): View more from Texas

  AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.

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  (361): I'm okay with corrupting his young mind. (1-361): Ew! He's just a child! (361): AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE. http://tfl.nu/exs0
  Replies (46) Good night (3966) Bad night (1953)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.

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  (414): I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me. http://tfl.nu/n4ee
  Replies (5) Good night (1121) Bad night (545)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.

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  (251): PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE. http://tfl.nu/woue
  Replies (7) Good night (1163) Bad night (791)
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  (575): View more from New Mexico

  They took my balls.

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  (575): They took my balls. http://tfl.nu/tyz5
  Replies (11) Good night (357) Bad night (960)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.

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  (801): She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch. http://tfl.nu/gwk7
  Replies (3) Good night (899) Bad night (254)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned

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  (214): hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned http://tfl.nu/ixc1
  Replies (2) Good night (437) Bad night (205)

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