By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.