So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster