Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Bea Arthur died yesterday

  (240): View more from Maryland

  You shut your stupid mouth

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Betty White is next, I just know it.

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Bea Arthur died yesterday (240): You shut your stupid mouth (301): Betty White is next, I just know it. (240): Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next. http://tfl.nu/xn02
  Replies (20) Good night (1271) Bad night (667)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles. http://tfl.nu/hp1m
  Replies (10) Good night (3580) Bad night (946)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME" http://tfl.nu/3lzs
  Replies (39) Good night (10210) Bad night (733)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.

  (310): View more from California

  Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her. (310): Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse. http://tfl.nu/0qfy
  Replies (18) Good night (4632) Bad night (1719)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me http://tfl.nu/nn6b
  Replies (28) Good night (11792) Bad night (1277)
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (224): you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney http://tfl.nu/cyaf
  Replies (3) Good night (3692) Bad night (983)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you http://tfl.nu/jrvn
  Replies (20) Good night (5676) Bad night (2011)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom. http://tfl.nu/2arl
  Replies (12) Good night (5034) Bad night (1067)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday http://tfl.nu/7nrp
  Replies (4) Good night (3023) Bad night (754)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero. http://tfl.nu/qcue
  Replies (11) Good night (3180) Bad night (752)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Those memories are both hazy and awesome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom? (401): Those memories are both hazy and awesome. http://tfl.nu/ars0
  Replies (6) Good night (1952) Bad night (609)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?

  (1-419): View more from Ohio

  Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate? (1-419): Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly. http://tfl.nu/ok5v
  Replies (20) Good night (3381) Bad night (631)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us. http://tfl.nu/2gzn
  Replies (7) Good night (1088) Bad night (1012)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears. http://tfl.nu/5pre
  Replies (3) Good night (736) Bad night (1065)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord" http://tfl.nu/9kd9
  Replies (3) Good night (497) Bad night (399)

Randomize