You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
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Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
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You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?