you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
