Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.