The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
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Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
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Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it