How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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