What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
