I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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