Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
