I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
