I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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