New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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