when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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