my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
How does one acquire holy water?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
