Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He called his prostate his "boner button".
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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