My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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