I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize