You work out of a Hotel?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
