Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I need mimosas to revive my soul
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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