If i come over, it means nothing
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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