i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
