....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
This is classic penis vs brain.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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