We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Vodka?
Forever.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize