that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
even my farts smell like vagina
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
