my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
i've created a new STD.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Randomize
