i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
