so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
