so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
