And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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