No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You pole danced in your parka.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
