i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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