So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
All the doctor said was why
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
