I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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