I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
