Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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