Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
