youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
