Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
