also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
