u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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