I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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