would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
