i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
