Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
