I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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