i would punch a child for taco bell
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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