like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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