I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
