It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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