I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
