it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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