From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
