dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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