I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
