Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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