i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
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No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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