life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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