I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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