do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
