You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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