We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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