Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard