I want to have your abortion
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.