what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
