i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize