My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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