So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
