I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Randomize
