I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Semen is not good for contacts.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
