Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
