Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(510): View more from California

one might say we're banned from that church

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(410): View more from Maryland

9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.

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(585): View more from New York

Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.

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(209): View more from California

We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem

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(925): View more from California

First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.

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(217): View more from Illinois

Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.

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(305): View more from Florida

Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom

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(519): View more from Ontario

A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?

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