just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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