I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
