Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
