can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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