he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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